To hell and back

Storm the front, take all the bullets..
there's no turning back now.
This fight is mine for the taking,
I just don't know how.
Pull back, run for cover..
then move forward again,
for how many times can I try winning..
a battle that I cannot win?
I've come much to far now,
to raise the white flag and surrender.
I've already gone to hell and back,
and repeating that, I consider..
For dying in the process of fighting
is much better than retreat
yes, dying in the process of fighting
is much better than retreat.

10.30.07

The breeze of the wind blows towards me
as my hands continues to shake subtly
the feeling of anticipation is growing steadly
as I sit there, waiting patiently.

Oh the cold night I can still remember,
where in my condition,
I shouldn't be staying out anyway.
But what the hell? I could care less,
This one's too special for me,
to let pass another day

So there,
I can't explain what I'm feeling as I walk towards you.
All the whole black night turned into the brightest day
All the things that I was feeling suddenly went away
The street lights, the cars, the people.. all of them was suddenly apart of something beautiful, something strange.. something different.

And then.. there was you.
And everything stepped aside rightfully.
All the things beautiful succumbed
to the girl who was standing right by me.


PS,

Oo mga tsong, may sakit parin ako. Haha, you can send your "Get well soon" messages at getwellsoonchris@yahoo.com/gmail.com cash donations are always welcome. Thank you. Hahaha

I should be happy right now

As the hand of the clock ticks 12
A new chapter will unfold,
I'll leave this page wide open,
because the ending is yet to be told.
The feeling of importance is gone,
long before it was felt,
was it me who was choking myself with my own belt?

I never thought that there would come a time,
where in I'll curse through my rhymes,
these mixed emotions needed not to be read between the lines.
I'm being torn apart, I'm lost in the transition,
I'm looking for something that isn't within reason.
But after all the words thrown,
Emotions misinterpreted at anyway or anyhow
These set of words wouldn't fit and I should be happy now.

Dahan dahan

Kay lamig ng simoy ng hangin ngayong gabi,
sabay sa pagpatak ng ulan.
Walang ibang hawak kung di lapis at papel,
nakakalat sa aking harapan.

At dahan dahan na akong natututo,
sa mga bagay na dapat matagal ko nang alam.
At dahil sa aking ngayo'y nararanasan,
sakit ngayo'y hindi na ramdam

At habang tumatagal ang panahon,
dahan dahan akong nagiging manhid.
Wala nang pakialam sa mga bagay bagay,
at kahit ano mang balakid.

Wala mang salitang nanggagaling sakin,
sa sulat ko idadaan.
Ito ang tanging buhay ko ngayon,
eto lang ang tanging paraan.

Hindi mo man maintindihan ngayon,
ang aking tunay na nadarama.
Ang aking tanging hiling na pagdating ng panahon,
aking layunin ay alam mo na.

At dahan dahan ka naring matututo,
dahan dahan mo na ring malalaman.
Ang minsa'y dahan dahan kong pinagdaanan,
balang araw ay dahan dahan mong maiiwasan.

Sa'yo

Nakakabulag ang liwanag,
Nakakabulag.
Ang liwanag na dulot ng pangsamantalang kaligayahan
Ayaw ko nang umalis.

At sa liwanag ako'y sumulyap
Kinalimutan na ang dilim
Ngunit ng sumarado na ang pinto
Ngayon ko lang nalaman kung gano kalagim
Ang maiwan sa gitna, di alam ang gagawin
Kung susulong ba pasugod
O aatras narin.

Di ako makahinga, nandyan ka pa ba?
Di ako makahinga, may liwanag pa ba?
Di ako makahinga, di narin makagalaw
Di na makapagisip at di namakatanaw
Sa liwanag na minsa'y pinamahayan ng pagasa
Sa liwanag na minsa'y iyong pinaranas
Sa liwanag na minsa'y nagsilbing buhay
Sa isang gamu gamong walang patutunguan.

Gaguhan 101

Nakaupo sya sa isang liblib na lugar
Nagaabang, nagiintay
Sa kung ano mang pagasang sa kanya'y maiibigay

Napakabilis ng pangyayari, naglaho na ang buwan
tapos na ang jumong at parang walang pagbabago

Kumuwa sya ng isang pakete ng sigarlyo
Hinithit, hinithit ng hinithit
Hangang masira ang kanyang ulo
Nasira na nga, pero wala paring pagbabago.

Nagdaan na ang taon, lumipas na ang konstitusyon
at senador na si pichay
Ganun parin ang sistema, habang buhay nalang ba syang
uupo't maghihintay?

Bakit di nya kaya subukang tumayo?
Subukang gumawa ng pagbabago
sa kanya't sa kanya lamang ito magsisimula
Nakukuwa nyo ba ko?

Reklamo sya ng reklamo
Bakit ganito bakit ganyan?
Eh kung di ka ba naman gago't kalahati
di mo ba naiintindihan?
na lahat ng bagay ay hindi nadadaan sa paupo upo lamang
Tangina, tumayo ka't lumaban pare ko, wag kang magpapaharang

>This is what I call, an outlet. I'm pissed off and I'll try to write away my mood<

The Battle - Part 1

Let your dreams, little boy
End tonight in vain
Let go of everything, your dreams and your promises
Because everything has gone insane

Oh no! Oh no!, He whispered to himself
Gunshots are everywhere
This isn't the future that he dreamed of,
This isn't just right and fair

Go on with your dreams little boy
It just cannot be
He'll eat you alive with an army of thousands
Maybe in time you'll see

He looks in the mirror, never amazed
He wonders is he there?
The moment he looked outside the window
He said he never cared.

They've already conquered the city
Therefore he has no choice
He'll either serve and work for the dictator
or lead the others with his voice

You're our only hope, An old man whispered to him
You're a child no more
There's one reason why God made you live
and that's to lead us into war

God? He replied to the old guy
Is there a thing as such?
Then where was he when my family was desolated?
He never cared that much.

He could've left me there to die
He would've done me a favor
But now he's asking me to lead his people?
That's really stupid mister.

He hates me, that's all I can say
He doesn't even care
He ruined my dreams and my life
And burned me in his lair

The old man was surprised with his reaction
Although he didn't rattle
He knows that in time God will make him understand
That this war is really his battle

To be fucking continued. hehehehehe :P

The Untitled

The spark in your eyes,
You've mesmerized me.
You've caught me in a dimension of nothingness
I am helpless.
For as often as the sun would rise in the east,
is as often as I think of you day in and night out
and for as often as the rain would drop in the middle of the storm,
is as often as I wish to be with you.

Let the silence of the night remind you,
Of what I am and what you see.
For as long as you're here beside me,
is as solemn as the most silent night I'll be.
For another time, you'd leave me speechless,
and you'll take everything away too.
But if that's the only way to be with you,
then you can take me as a whole if you want to.

For once, and maybe in time,
I'll be able to let it out.
Emotions have already flooded me,
and left me there to drown.
It would've been better to drown, be left cold and to die,
but then I saw hope and life, the moment I looked in your eyes.

Epekto ng puyat at beer ito, pagpasensyahan na lang po :D

As I fade out

As I fade out,
There's a lot of things I want to do
Finish unfinished things,
And say somethings to you
Make sure my family's ok and prepared
I might be strong at this time, But deep inside Im scared

Im scared to leave you all,
Scared to leave without preparation
I want to do more things,
Finish my studies and change my nation

I want to be succesful in life,
Have kids, raise them well
I want to be like mike,
Does it ring a bell?

As I fade out,
There's a lot of things I should've done
Play more games
And look back to days I should've won

Change myself for the better
And see my siblings grow up
I want to teach them by example
And make them drink from my cup

I want to improve everything,
From the way I talk to the way I write
Study hard and party harder.
Be a little more cautious I might

Live life by the book
Write a novel I will,
Take a pen, write my thoughts
and finish it hopefully before Im ill

I cant let myself die right now,
That would just break me apart
Dont wanna see my love ones cry
I dont wanna break their heart.

I dont wanna see tears falling
Specifically for me
This is not my dream ending
I could not let this be

As I fade out,
There's somethings that I'll always regret
Things I should've told you
But my mouth just wouldnt let

Maybe Its better left unsaid
That I think would be smarter
I dont want you to be cold as we part
That would be much harder

As I fade out,
I want my parents to know one thing
That Im proud to be their seed
And they always are my everything

As I fade out,
I want you to forget about me
I dont want to be trapped forever
inside a dark and sad memory

Make sure my things are packed
and I want you to burn them black
Make sure everything's cleaned up
because I damn sure will never be back

Goodbye for now, My friends I know
Its hard for me to leave
But I have to let you guys go. :D


Note: Should you guys think Im dying, Think again fucktards. This is just a lame attempt to write a poem. bwaahahahahaha

Walang Titulo, Walang katuturan.

Naglalakad si Juan sa kahabaan ng Edsa sa kanto ng Gen.Tino street sa kalookan. Malapit lapit ito sa aking dating skwelahan na ngayo'y unti unti ng nilalamon ng apoy. Nagtatakbuhan ang kabataan habang unti unting nagdadagsaan ang mga usisero, trak ng pulis at bumbero sa sinasabing lugar. Pero wala na silang magagawa, kumakalat na ang sunog at unti unti na nitong nilalamon ang utak ng mga usiserong nakapaligid dito, usiserong wala namang ibang ginawa kung di makielam, Usiserong wala naman talagang alam, usiserong wala namang magagawa. Pero sa tingin nyo? ano bang nasa utak ng isang usisero bukod sa apoy na unti unting lumalamon sa kanilang maliliit na utak? Di ko alam, pwede mong itanong sa kanila, pwede mong itanong sa kanila kung ano na ang nangyari, pwede mong itanong sa kanila kung may natitira pang pagasa. Pagasa na matagal tagal naring inaasam ng ating mga kababayan, pero di nila alam sila rin ang sumisira sa pagasang ito. Pagasang makakaahon pa ang ating bansang lugmok na lugmok na sa kahirapan, katiwalaan, katangahan, kabulastugan, kagaguhan, kababuyan, katamaran at kung ano ano pang katarantaduhan. Pero kung ikaw ang tatanungin, ano ang pagkakaalam mo sa salitang pagasa? Para sakin, Ito'y ang ang daanang naguugnay sa bago bantay at sa mindanao avenue sa likod ng SM. Pero baka sayo'y iba ang ibig sabihin nito. Maaring may masmalalalim na salita pang pwede nating gamitin upang mabigyang larawan ang napakasimple ngunit napakalalim na salita. Ngunit teka muna? May katuturan pa ba ang pinagsasabi ko dito? Oo, Sinubukan kong magkape bago isulat ito, Sa totoo lang nagkakape parin ako hanggang ngayon. Pero ano nga ba ang kape? Makaktulong kaya ito sa ating patuloy na lumalagapak na ekonomiya? Ano ba ang importansya nito sa ating pang araw araw na buhay? Wala! Wala! Wala! Pero ito seryosong tanong, San ba nagsimula ang salitang wala? Pano nating masasabing wala itong laman kung ginagamit natin ito sa pangaraw araw na pamumuhay? Wala lang, Wala talaga, Wala naman. Ano ang ibig sabihin ng wala? Wala, Wala talagang ibig sabihin ang wala kasi wala nga diba? tanga ka ba? kaya ngang sinabing wala kasi wala itong laman, kaya wala itong laman kasi wala itong ibig sabihin. Pero pano kaya kung wala tayong lahat? di nyo ba naisip yun? pano kung wala ang diyos? walang tubig, walang pagkain at wala ang lahat? Ngayon babaliwalain nyo pa ba ang salitang wala? Antanong, mabibigyang importansya ba natin ito? Ewan. Ewan, isang napakakomplikadong salita. Ito'y nagdudugtong sa salitang wala sa pagkakaroon ng isang kahulugan. Kaya ngayon anong kahulugan ng ewan? ewan, di ko alam. di ko alam kung san nila pinagpupulot yung mga ganyang klaseng salita. Wala namang kahulugan lahat. Kita nyo? Nakita nyo ba? Ginamit ko na naman ang salitang wala kaya pano nyo masasabing walang kahulugan itong salitang ito? eh kung gamitin natin to eh halos minuminuto natin ito ginagamit. Ano? Kaso wala paring kahulugan ito. Wala paring katuturan ang aking pinagsasabi magmula sa unang unang letrang aking isinulat dito sa babasahing ito. Tulad ng mga pulitikong wala namang ibang alam sabihin kung di ganito dapat ang ganito, ganito dapat ang ganun, ganito dapat ang ganyan. Tanga, hindi dapat ganyan yan, hindi dapat ganito iyon at hindi dapat ganito ito. Dapat siguro magpatiwakal ka na at magpaalam na sa mundong wala namang katuturan. wala namang katuturan oo wala naman katuturan. magpaalam na kayo sa isa't isa dahil parehas naman kayong walang ginagawa, walang itinutulong walang alam. pareparehas lang kayo, mas maganda pa siguro magpatayan na lang kayo kikita pa ang ating mga kapatid na embulsimador at yung mga putanginang hipokritong mga pari na wala namang ginawang mabuti sa atin. Mabuti pa siguro tayo'y tumahimik na lang, wala naman tayo'y naitutulong. Katulad nito, Wala naman talaga tong katuturan eh, Wala talaga, talagang wala. Kaya eto, tatapusin ko na. Tatapusin ko na ang aking maikling kagaguhan na nagpapakita kung gano talaga ako katanga at gano kawalang kwenta ang aking mga pinagsusulat. mamamaalam na ko, di nyo alam baka ito na ang huling babasahin na maisusulat ko, di nyo lang alam. walang kasiguraduhan ang buhay na ito, maaring ito na ay paalam. Paalam. Di ako makahinga, Magsuntukan na lang tayo.

Fat Elvis in Kamias by Lourd Ernest De Veyra

Fat Elvis in Kamias by Lourd Ernest De Veyra

You will never see Graceland
– The Bible

Fat Elvis drags his fat ass across dark Kamias Road,
Downed by Demerol, drunk with Emperador, and the fuming memory of fame past,
Humming a lost tune that goes something like
Boolap-bap-baloobap-boolap-bap-boom,
Snapping his fingers, taking long drags on his Hope,
Sniffing incessantly, nasal drip as if on dope,
But nope– Fat Elvis has got no cash for that.
Garbed in his gold lamé suit with ruffles
Like the wings of a famished vulture.
Fat Elvis walks past closed meat shops, beauty salons,
Massage parlors, sari-sari stores.
Then he swaggers into a cheap videoke bar with cheap beer and cheaper girls.
Fat Elvis barges through the door,
And arrogantly demands for Red Horse, tokwa’t baboy,
Chicharon bulaklak, and the microphone.
But the waitresses simply ignore him.
“That fat jerk is here again,”
One of them snorts, craning her neck for the bouncer.
Fat Elvis is infuriated. “Don’t you know who I am?”
Don’t you know who I am?!
I am Elvis! I live forever.
I live in the hearts and spleens
Of every man who has ever loved and shaken his booty,
Every man, from Graceland to Grace Park, Kalookan.”
The pride and anger of Fat Elvis
Now visible beneath the faint shower of red lights.
Pasty skin mottled like yesterday’s newspaper.
You don’t believe me?
He proceeds to croon Are You Lonesome Tonight
And forgets half of the lyrics, messes up the choruses.
Gets a score of 70 and is booed off the place,
Pelted by peanuts, pork ears, and chunks of ice.
Fat Elvis hits back at the hecklers
By flashing a dirty middle finger and hurling a chair.
And not too long before the sharp climax of the song
He’s chased outside by a bouncer wielding a balisong.

+
They say he prowls the all-night convenience stores
On the other side of the world, pumping gas
In desolated stations at night where the desert wind howls.
Or maybe singing folk songs in a flea-bitten beer house where drunken jeepney drivers demand
Eddie Peregrina and Tom Jones classics,
Or straddling the length of Aurora Boulevard peddling balut with a smooth baritone
Or he could be one of the shirtless mestizo pushers chain-smoking in dark alleyways of Project 3
Or a tricycle driver dozing off in the strange blue night waiting for passengers never to arrive,
Or a bank security guard stretched on a bench dreaming of afternoons tense with silence,
Or a cook in a 24-hour burger stand lost in the fumes of seared beef and hotdogs,
Or a disc jockey in a radio station spinning love songs for the loveless at 2 a.m.
Or a motel room attendant changing soiled sheets, pointing cars to their garages,
Or a pimp along Quezon Avenue shoving girls into taxicab windows
Or maybe a drag queen with wild orange wigs and denim shorts,
Spreading fearful boa feathers in the air.


+

For Fat Elvis had never suffered
For Fat Elvis had never suffered for his art–
For Fat Elvis never believed that rock and roll can save the world,
Only that rock and roll will destroy you soon,
That rock and roll will come crashing into your life–
A stranger who becomes your friend at the first instance
A buddy slapping your back
And uncapping a beer for you, rolling a joint for you,
Chopping up thin cocaine lines across the glass table for you,
The frightful fastness of this friendship
Fits a rollicking three-bar tune
Riding on clanging drums and gritty guitars,
Fuelled by speed and cheeseburgers and whiskey
And the promise of movement through electric air,
Charged by ten thousand squealing women,
Hysteria breaking out when your hip gyrates,
Teary teens catatonic and fainting,
Tumult from the swinging pelvis,
This is rock and roll– this is rock and roll.
Your torch songs scorch countries and continents,
They melt radios and hearts
And they cross oceans and lives
Then come rushing back to your door
Like a swinging wrecking ball.

Fat Elvis perhaps floating in the big black bardo void of now,
The busy, tragic boulevard of Kamias, Omnipotent Fat Elvis–
Those electric sideburns, the big aviator glasses,
The karate moves, Olympic god muscle-stretching,
Sweat on forehead seething golden under the Las Vegas lights
Leather pants, rhinestone Captain Marvel jumpsuit,
Fat Elvis could be wearing anything, in fact,
And Fat Elvis could be anywhere,
Fat Elvis was once hungry,
Hungry and thin, then he became the king of the world,
Then fat, as all kings become,
And still believed he was king
Even though he was fat, and soon forgotten,
And when he died,
The Pistols sneezed “Good riddance to bad rubbish.”
They didn’t know he was still alive.
He lives in your heart, your liver–
Fat Elvis, Dead Elvis, Saint Elvis,
President Elvis, Sergeant Elvis,
Professor Elvis, Father Elvis,
Kuya Elvis, Tito Elvis, Mang Elvis,
Architect Elvis, Senior Police Inspector Elvis,
Maestro Elvis, DJ Elvis, MC Elvis, Boss Elvis
Holy Immaculate Infinite Almighty Fat Elvis pray for us
Save us from our frightful selves,
The tedium of ourselves,
Fat Elvis– those overpaid, overfed, incandescently bloated
Oafs singing on Sunday noontime shows,
Fat Elvis Poor Elvis Shabby Elvis
Hungry Elvis Desperate Elvis Depressed Elvis
And all the world’s a stage groaning under the weight of ten thousand Fat Elvis impersonators
And we watch and watch and we laugh and clap
And become Fat Elvises ourselves
Slurping up the pig-slop of everyday reality

Fat Elvis, icon, idol, king– THE KING!
King of the Dead and the Swollen
King of Sorrows, King of Memory,
King of Heroin Apostles,
King of Undeserving Martyrs,
King of Profuse Lager and Whiskey
King of All Saints
Singular Vessel of Idiotic Devotion
Tower of Untruth
Imperial Impertinence
High-rise of Triglyceride
Chalice of Cholesterol
Ark of Lard
Archangel of Adipose
Soldier of Sodium
Crusader of Sugar
Sultan of Starch
Tub of Butter
Midnight Star
Broken Record
Ancient Jukebox
Defective Disk
Sour Wine
Mystical Hangover
Curse of David
Lord of Lipids
Swine of Jesus
Lamb of God
Seething in an open charcoal pit, slathered in garlic and mint sauce with extra rice
Fried peanut butter-and-banana sandwiches, barbecue,
Mash potatoes, peas, apple pie and meatloaf,
All the nuclear calories in the planet
All arteries silting up


+
Slugging across the intersection of Kalayaan and Kamias,
Fat Elvis, swarthy, saturnine, tries to hail a cab
And they just kept zipping by,
He might have looked too weird–
Too visibly drunk, or just too fat
Dammit– could he fit into a car?
Face round like a moon?
Can he fit into a coffin?
Belly like a hot air balloon?
It had been a life too high, too soon, too fast
No Colonel Parker to pick him up or stab him in the back.
Fat Elvis, effete, but still moving with earthly effrontery
Fifty thousand fans can’t be wrong! Fifty thousand fans can’t be wrong!
Fifty thousand ghosts, spectral echoes,
Waves of screams by packed stadiums long gone to ashes,
Swarms of kisses from hyperventilating matrons long gone to ashes
Tomorrow is a long time– tomorrow is a long time
Fat Elvis– thunder and lightning
Fat Elvis– stinky longganisa burp and fart
Fat Elvis– nobody sends text messages on his cellphone,
Missing the ‘Return to Sender’ ring tone,
Fat Elvis– can’t send no text messages ‘cause he’s ran out of credits a long, long time ago

Fat Elvis– lonely and fat
Fat Elvis– abscess in the history of mankind
Fat Elvis– once beautiful now moving with the grace of oven grease
Fat Elvis– hustling with P50-a-trim beauticians, demanding for a free rebond,
Fat Elvis– of sequined sleeves reeking of moldy leather and tricycle smoke
Fat Elvis– arguing with pedicab drivers over the fare from Sikatuna to Aurora,
Fat Elvis– scandalously demanding free plates of rice from the cornerstore carinderia,
to go with desperate half-orders of pinapaitan and isaw
An act of plain hubris, thinking the place privileged,
To be able to announce:
'Fat Elvis Presley Ate Here'
A place that is both plain and strange at the same time.
But waiters know, the way the whole world knows:
He ain’t nothing but a hound dog.
Every dog has its day.
Fat Elvis was once famous and rich.
Every dog is a son of a bitch.

Chrisangelo turns on emo mode with "the long longing" :P

Sometimes i feel like im missing something
Sometimes i feel like i just want to lay down crying
Sometimes i feel like im getting annoyed
I need someone.. someone to fill the void

Im looking for someone.. that's going to complete me
someone who could change my life completely
someone who'll watch me grow old and die
someone who'll be there when i laugh or cry

So when will she come? will she be here tomorrow?
will she finally end my eternal sorrow?
the years of longing for an unknown something
will it finally end tomorrow when the bird sings?

So when the right time comes.. i hope she'll be there
Whether im 70 or 80 the hell should i care
As long as i know that she'll be there someday
But to die without her.. damn no fucking way.